Name: Sterling Vintner’s Collection Pinot Grigio 2008

Alcohol content: 12.5%

Price: $ 12.99

Description per label:  In our Pinot Grigio you’ll find fresh kiwi fruit and golden apple flavors accented by floral and mineral notes…blah, blah, blah…

Review: As a sommelier, I’ve developed my olfactory sense to an almost superhuman aptitude. With just one sniff of a freshly uncorked varietal I instantly know how dreadful a hangover I’ll be dealt by imbibing. As I raised my pour of this white, I immediately knew the blend would win the prestigious Nick Nolte award for an ear ringing, brain busting, sulfide-induced hangover.  However, this is my weekend job and work is not a four-letter word without reason. This Californian crap does boast many flavors; the two that first stung my palette were petroleum and cat urine. If you have a dusty bottle of Sterling Pinot Grigio somewhere in your house give it to a bum ASAP. Or, if one of your so-called ‘friends’ brings you this wine as a gift, smash it over their head without hesitation. Do yourself a solid and consider ANY other selection. On a scale of 1-10, I rate it a -3. Drink at your own risk.

Suggested pairings:  Cigarettes, sleeping pills, and a suicide letter.

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment

Name: CHEAP WHITE WINE

Alcohol content: 11%

Price: $6.99

Description per label: A Premium California Table Wine

Review: Rather than perplex you with pretentious sommelier speak, the product’s name just about says it all.  This pedestrian blend is ambiguously light and almost flavorless. But useless, hell no! Having a cooler full of these generic chic bottles could mean party time. Served en mass, in large plastic cups (on the rocks) the uninspiring white is a summer ode to clammy outdoor activities. In my expert opinion, Cheap White Wine is a semi-decent value. With adequate consumption, this humdrum libation is sure to cool you off and lighten the mood of your barbeque, picnic, summer soiree or an endless graduation ceremony that you are forced to attend.

Suggested pairings: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled chicken, Moon Pie ice cream sandwiches and domestic beer.

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment

Ingredients

• 4 blackberries, quartered
• 1/4 cup triple sec
• 4 sugar cubes
• Angostura bitters as needed
• 1 bottle Champagne, Prosecco or other dry sparkling white wine, chilled

Preparation

In a small nonreactive bowl, combine the blackberries and triple sec and let stand for about 15 minutes to let the fruit macerate.

Place 1 sugar cube in each of 4 Champagne flutes and add 1 or 2 dashes of bitters to each one. Spoon 4 pieces of marinated blackberry in each flute. Top with Champagne and serve immediately.

Serves 4…or 1 depending on your mood.

Source:  williams-sonoma.com

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment

Name: Lakeridge Southern Red

Alcohol content: 11%

Price: $9.99

Description per label: Garnet hued, this light bodied red derives its unique fruity flavor from the Noble grape. Slightly sweet for dinner, dessert, or just relaxing.

Review: This is not your typical red wine drinker’s red. If you like a sugar sweet red wine that makes a better sangria base than a stand-alone libation, this is right up your alley. In my humble but expert opinion this varietal (along with club soda) is the secret ingredient to the original Bartles and Jaymes epic wine cooler. This is a wine I wish I found when I was sixteen instead of stumbling upon it with my sophisticated palette.  My suggested pairings would be mid-day hangovers, mom’s meatloaf and monkey brains.

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment