Alcohol content:  13%

Price: $9.99

Description per label: Crisp green straw colour. White stone fruit and floral esters to tantalize your senses. Citrus on the front pallet followed by smooth peach and nectarine layers.

Review:  While on a business trip to Sydney in 1997, I made the realization that the Aussie’s are among the world’s finest alcohol enthusiasts.  During an outbound trip through the Outback I met an Aborigines medicine man, Mandu. He was wandering about with his two friends, Akama and Yuka. Traveling with wine as I always do, I introduced them to several varietals. Mandu then insisted I sample some of his Corkwood Tree liquor to “enrich my spirit”. It was musty and tart with notes of peat moss with a dry finish. It did however make me vomit convulsively and gave me some harsh visual hallucinations. In time, jubilation set in and lifelong friendships were struck.

The four of us conversed nonstop for what seemed like days and euphorically sampled many wines and smoking herbs. At one point in the celebration, I taught the three aboriginal gents the game of duck,duck, goose. Akama burnt his feet in the fire and Yuka ended up in a eucalyptus tree squawking like a bird, but I digress…

Duck Duck Goose is an Australian “value” Chardonnay.  It’s interesting to note this Aussie vintner has managed to remove the classic chardonnay presence of oak. In typical ‘down under’ fashion, the wine maker also applies the adroit use of the screw-off cap.  The wine boasts a fruity bouquet with a light-bodied taste that encompasses flavors of citrus, with layers of melon and orange.  A hint of Starfruit presents itself on the backside leaving an aftertaste that is lasting and acidic.  All and all this Aussie production wine is no trip to Sydney. On the SMS Scale (1-10) I humbly rate this Chardonnay a 5.

Suggested pairings: Pan-Seared Barramundi with “Caruru”, shrimp on the barbie, and Corkwood Tree Tea.

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment

Now this is the way to start a weekend.  Contrary to popular belief, absinthe is no longer illegal in the states and is actually available in most liquor stores.  Personally, I think this is because they removed all of the more ‘fun’ properties the spirit had to offer.  Green fairies ring a bell?  The absinthe-and-champagne concoction is credited to Ernest Hemingway and named after his 1932 treatise on bullfighting, Death in the Afternoon. The book is ‘all about dichotomies: fear and courage, life and death. And the fiery anise taste of the absinthe—like hot licorice—pierced by the effervescence of chilled champagne is another testament to the allure of duality‘.  Kind of deep for me.  The only duality I’ll be experiencing is the before and after effects of this potent drink.  Please note that I will be dropping the kids off at their grandparents before imbibing.  Cheers!

Written by Lea Barlow • 2 Comments

Name: Blackstone Pinot Noir

Alcohol content: 13.5%

Price: $8.99

Description per label: Our Blackstone Pinot Noir is sourced throughout California’s finest grape growing regions.

This elegant wine exhibits ripe aromas of black cherry, vanilla, and hints of spice followed by cherry jammy berry and black tea-infused flavors.

Review: It was four years ago today that I returned from a one-week jaunt to Bangkok. The trip was precipitated by a rather exhausting argument with my spouse that lead to an unfortunate exchange of unpleasantries and a corked bottle of Château Lafite Rothschild Bordeaux (1999) being rifled into the fireplace. When the Bordeaux hit the bricks, I booked the trip. Later that evening, I found myself at an airport Applebee’s bar awaiting my flight. I asked the barkeep for their best pinot noir, he shrugged and offered me a glass of Blackstone. I don’t really like to fly internationally sober so I drank my usual five glasses.  Sufficiently lubricated, I boarded the plane for my Asian excursion leaving the memories of my spousal spat and this Blackstone blend behind.

I intentionally didn’t redact the description on the bottle to make a few points in fact. When they imply the grapes are sourced throughout the finest growing regions, to me this means they purchase the surplus grapes from the California version of Piggly Wiggly. The assorted grapes are then abused, tortured and mass-produced into what they most unreasonably refer to as elegant.

This pinot noir is a below average wine for even the most average Joe. It is to be relished by the aficionado who enjoys their wine with a Big Mac and french fries. When sampled, I detected the aroma of musty soil, mildew and birch wood. The taste is equally passé with flavors of red grape, coffee grounds, and a delicate touch of gasoline through the finish.

On the SMS scale (1-10) Blackstone scores a limp 2. It is a fitting gift for those asshole neighbors to whom you owe a gift or the holiday office ten-dollar gift exchange.

Suggested pairings: Mayonnaise and the entire Applebee’s appetizer menu.

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment

Name: Mark West Pinot Noir –Vintage 2008-

Alcohol content:  13.8%

Price: $11.99

Description per label: Mark West Winery specializes in Pinot Noir- Sourced primarily from coastal appellations, these vineyards provide grapes of aromatics and flavors…blah, blah, blah… rich in texture with a lingering finish and versatile enough to compliment about any cuisine (food).

Review: To me, the name Mark West conjures up images of the silly Batman of the sixties portrayed by the great Adam West. I find the portrayal of a middle-aged, ambiguously gay bat enthusiast who is heroically bound to the younger, more flamboyant costumed crime fighter worthy of a chuckle from time to time. In seemingly every episode, the dynamic duo would slide down a fire station pole, hop in an oddly modified muscle car and pursue slap fights with heavily made-up goofballs and other oddities. Although the two West’s are probably not related, Mark West is a competent vintner of Pinot Noir nonetheless.

At the $10 price point this varietal stands nose-to-nose with most wines in the $25 and up range.  The aroma is that of an earthy cherry cola.  The taste is medium-bodied with subtle hints of pepper, vanilla and black fruit. The finish is a little spicy but manages to remain smooth on the backside. The bottle looks budget chic, and the alcohol content is spot on making this a great entertainment wine.  In summation, my sophisticated palate rates the inexpensive blend a frugal 7.5 landing on my Cheap Champ recommended list.

Suggested pairings: Sliced tenderloin, rocky mountain oysters and celebrating 3 o’clock.

Written by Lea Barlow • Leave a comment