Apr 6th, 2012
Thank you for being a big beautiful Pregnosaurus and not apologizing for it. And, I think I love you.
In an era when starlets are terrified to ruin their careers with excessive pregnancy poundage and stretch marks, you embrace all your new super duper curves. You are no bony-ass prego a la the other Jessica. You tweet about eating Poptarts smeared with butter. Mac and cheese and Cap’n Crunch. You confess to binging on baking porn like “Slutty Brownies”.
You pose magazine-cover-pregnant-naked. Not because they asked you to, but you just thought you should. And all those diamonds dripping off of you?! Well done lady.
You’ve shared about your voracious sexual appetite and your spectacular pregnant O’s. Your “swamp-ass” sweat. And when I think OMG-she’s-gone-too-far, you talk about your dream where your “hoo-ha” ate an entire bag of Skittles. LMAO
While Us Weekly deems this oversharing TMI, I find it refreshing, hilarious and ballsy. You are starting a pregnant girl revolution Jessica, and American moms are listening.
I cannot wait to hear what crazy honest and sometimes crude sound bite will come out next, regarding childbirth, breastfeeding, being up all night with your daughter. Adding sleep deprivation to the mix will only make you funnier. I know you will bring your southern, self-effacing humor to all you do. Some days, my sense of humor is all I have left. You will find yours to be a useful tool as well.
I know you pop any day now and I would like to be the first to officially welcome you to the club, we are so happy to have you as a new member.
Bring it Jess. We’re ready.
xoxo the Moms
P.S. Now here are those fabulous slutty brownies from What’s Cooking Gaby…
Written by Alexis Novak • 2 Comments